10 on Tuesday

1. Today marks one year since my dear friend, Monica passed away. It's so hard to believe that it has been a year already. I think about her all the time.

2. I lost 1.2 last week in the challenge and am tied for 7th place. I'm hoping this week is better.

3. I feel so much better today. I need to get my booty back to the gym. I have been sooo slacking with that.

4. There is such a fine line between eating enough sugar to combat low blood sugar and overdoing it and making myself sick and too much to overeat. ug! I want to lose weight, but this is all complicating matters. I will be reaching for more fruits at home when it's low, that's for sure.

5. It scares me a little to think about the results not coming back as having this. Because otherwise, it's like, what the heck?! The side effects of both scare me too. Those foods making me sick is only the beginning of the underlying problem of it causing liver, kidney, and small intestinal damage. Let alone the horrible things that can happen with damage from low blood sugar. I'm going to try not to think about it in the meantime.

6. We had a good sex talk at bible study today. You read that right.

7. I'm a little sad and a little excited that softball is over. It was so fun to watch. It made me want to play. But exciting that we don't have somewhere to be 3 times a week.

8. I have really been enjoying reading with the girls. Courtney started reading her Fancy Nancy books to me yesterday. I'm so amazed at how great she is doing after asking about the words once. Most of them she remembered when she read it.

9. I feel a little stressed right now. I think it's from all of the testing and figuring everything out. I need to go work it out at the gym.

10. You would think with my fast yesterday that I would have lost some weight with it. NOPE! Boo...that bad scale. Come on...at least .2! Nothing.

Losing My Dear Friend, Monica

This is one of my favorite pictures of Sol and Monica. This was in June, 2005.

This one's really old. lol It's from 2004. We were watching the guys play paintball. That's little baby Courtney in there.

This was just a couple weeks ago 4/23/09. This was at the MOPS Tea and Testimony meeting. She came to have some fun and tell everyone how much MOPS has meant to her with their support. This is the last picture I took of her.

This was at Skyler's birthday (Jan 2009). Sunshine, Monica and I hanging out. (And Scott, of course who always manages to get behind all of the pictures. lol)

This was from Courtney's birthday party 2008. This is one of my favories of us. Ahh that smile.

I have thought about writing this several times but haven't actually started typing anything. I think I wasn't ready for it. And now that the service is over it feels like time.

First of all, this has been a really rough couple of weeks. My friend, Monica Rodriguez has been battling cancer (angiosarcoma) for 18 months and lost her battle last Monday. She went into the hospital on the 1st of May. We were able to visit her on the 2nd and she seemed completely normal. Talking about the house that they might get and about Kai. She was a little teary, but that's it. She was able to tell the lady from the hospital (a social worker there) many things that had gone wrong in her stays there. It seemed to ease her mind that something might be done about it. Then the next day I went back to see her and she was completely different. Her pain had gotten worse over night and they needed to heavily medicate her to ease her pain. So when I got there that day it was very dark inside and she seemed to be sleeping. Her family had been called to come and her sisters and parents were there as well as her niece. It was comforting to know that they were all there with her. As soon as the doctor came in or nurses she opened her eyes a little to talk to them. Apparently she was just closing her eyes and it really was just the medication making her look asleep.

Thankfully I was able to see her one last time on Wednesday. The doctors had figured out her medication and she didn't have as many side effects. She was talking and up and walking and everything that day. She was off and on delusional, but that was to be expected with the meds. It was nice to see her like herself again. That was the day she got released from the hospital. She was able to go to her specialist appointment and had a plan to start chemo the following Monday.

On Mother's Day (that next Sunday) she was having a hard time breathing so they called an ambulance. They found out after that it was good that they did because they didn't think she would have lasted another hour if they hadn't. Sadly, she had to be intibated and put under because of all of the problems. She wanted to fight and chose to be intibated. She had so much fluid in her lungs and tumors. She later on Monday was determined to not have any brain activity and they decided to turn off the life support. I just happened to be talking to my friend (and hers), Sunshine all day and kept getting updated. It was hard knowing what was going to happen and not say anything to anyone since it wasn't on the blog yet. We just kept praying for peace for everyone. That night I created an album of photos of our time together on facebook. It made me feel a little better doing something constructive.

The Wednesday after (2 days later) it was ok to have visitors so we went over. It was so nice to just be with everyone again. We were looking through Monica's thousands of pictures. Then a bunch of us went to the Uptown Festival to have dinner and let the kids play. It was a good mood uplifter and was nice to get to know Monica's sisters a little better too.

Saturday the 16th was Monica's memorial service at WACC (Whittier Area Community Church). It was a really beautiful service. At least 700 people were there. Probably more like 750. The place was packed. What an amazing show of how much you have touched so many people's lives. And on a side note, it was hard to think of people who didn't know her in order to watch the kids. Scott (my husband) ended up being one of the speakers at the service. What an honor. Scott did such a wonderful job too. Everyone did. It was so nice to hear about all of the different walks of life she was apart of and how all of those people loved her so much too. Sol (her husband) even got up there to talk about his wife and their love story. He put together such a wonderful slideshow. The slideshow is also on their website if you would like to view it. I'm never going to be able to hear the song "Better Is One Day" without thinking of Monica.

After the service it was nice to talk to so many good friends. I have been so blessed during this very difficult time by my friends who have poured their love to me. Calling me to see how I'm doing and seeking me out to give me hugs. You don't even know how much that has meant to me and what an amazing show of God's love that has been to me.

Losing my dear friend has been so hard. I miss her so much. Seeing pictures of her makes her seem so alive and sometimes I literally have to remind myself that she isn't here anymore. She's dancing with the angels and hugging Jesus. Her amazing faith before and during her fight with cancer have been an amazing testimony. I am comforted by the fact that she is no longer in pain and is really doing better than any of us here on earth.

We had so many good times together and it is hard to think that she won't be here anymore. She really had amazing strength and I really admire her in a lot of different areas in her life. She definitely was a person to look up to and to model. And we all are better for knowing her.

Now we are all charged with the journey of being there for her wonderful husband, Sol and her almost 3 year old son, Kai. The coming months are going to be a hard for them. Between their anniversary, Kai's birthday, and Monica's birthday all there. I can't even imagine what Sol is going through. Or precious little Kai. I know when we told Courtney and Skyler about Monica Skyler looked like she had no idea what I was talking about (and she's 6 months older than Kai). Courtney on the other hand was very emotional and sympathetic about Kai. She was worried about him missing his mommy. Since Courtney and Skyler knew Monica, we knew we had to explain it to them.

Seeing what an impact she has made on all of the people around her makes me think about my legacy. The lives I touch and relationships that I have. I really hope to share God's love for everyone in my life and to hopefully let them know how important they all are to me. I hope I can share the joy that I have with others.

Oh ya, and how cool that we have the exact same middle name. Hardly anyone I have ever come across has the exact same spelling. We thought we were cool.

There are so many other things I could say, but this would be more of a novel than it already is. I really loved her and will truly miss my dear friend.

In Memory of Monica Lynne Rodriguez July 3, 1976 - May 11, 2009 (32 years young)